beep boop.

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
biglawbear
direcartographies

fun fact: the reason that the plural of goose is geese but the plural of moose is not meese is because goose derives from an ancient germanic word undergoing strong declension, in the pattern of foot/feet and tooth/teeth, wherein oo is mutated to ee. however ‘moose’ is a native american word added to the english lexicon only ~400 years ago, and lacks the etymological reason to be pluralized in that way.

librarienne

Oh baby.  Keep talking dirty to me.

orphanofkos
rantsofalib

image

Word to the wise y’all. Don’t wear a butt plug to your MRI

ovenroastedtwerkey

Don't wear a chastity device to one either. Even if it's a silicone/resin cage, the locking mechanism is still metal, it WILL try to yank that thang asunder. The GOODEST boys are the ones who DON'T risk damaging their body and a $1.2million machine.

capacity

There’s no way on earth anyone has to be told this I’m hallucinating this post there’s just no way

powerburial

Any guy who removes his chastity device before an MRI does not truly love his mistress. In fact, volunteering for autocastration is probably the most genuine act of love you can show.

bumblewyn
neil-gaiman

“My friend told me a story he hadn’t told anyone for years. When he used to tell it years ago people would laugh and say, ‘Who’d believe that? How can that be true? That’s daft.’ So he didn’t tell it again for ages. But for some reason, last night, he knew it would be just the kind of story I would love. When he was a kid, he said, they didn’t use the word autism, they just said ‘shy’, or ‘isn’t very good at being around strangers or lots of people.’ But that’s what he was, and is, and he doesn’t mind telling anyone. It’s just a matter of fact with him, and sometimes it makes him sound a little and act different, but that’s okay. Anyway, when he was a kid it was the middle of the 1980s and they were still saying ‘shy’ or ‘withdrawn’ rather than ‘autistic’. He went to London with his mother to see a special screening of a new film he really loved. He must have won a competition or something, I think. Some of the details he can’t quite remember, but he thinks it must have been London they went to, and the film…! Well, the film is one of my all-time favourites, too. It’s a dark, mysterious fantasy movie. Every single frame is crammed with puppets and goblins. There are silly songs and a goblin king who wears clingy silver tights and who kidnaps a baby and this is what kickstarts the whole adventure. It was ‘Labyrinth’, of course, and the star was David Bowie, and he was there to meet the children who had come to see this special screening. ‘I met David Bowie once,’ was the thing that my friend said, that caught my attention. ‘You did? When was this?’ I was amazed, and surprised, too, at the casual way he brought this revelation out. Almost anyone else I know would have told the tale a million times already. He seemed surprised I would want to know, and he told me the whole thing, all out of order, and I eked the details out of him. He told the story as if it was he’d been on an adventure back then, and he wasn’t quite allowed to tell the story. Like there was a pact, or a magic spell surrounding it. As if something profound and peculiar would occur if he broke the confidence. It was thirty years ago and all us kids who’d loved Labyrinth then, and who still love it now, are all middle-aged. Saddest of all, the Goblin King is dead. Does the magic still exist? I asked him what happened on his adventure. ‘I was withdrawn, more withdrawn than the other kids. We all got a signed poster. Because I was so shy, they put me in a separate room, to one side, and so I got to meet him alone. He’d heard I was shy and it was his idea. He spent thirty minutes with me. ‘He gave me this mask. This one. Look. ‘He said: ‘This is an invisible mask, you see? ‘He took it off his own face and looked around like he was scared and uncomfortable all of a sudden. He passed me his invisible mask. ‘Put it on,’ he told me. ‘It’s magic.’ ‘And so I did. ‘Then he told me, ‘I always feel afraid, just the same as you. But I wear this mask every single day. And it doesn’t take the fear away, but it makes it feel a bit better. I feel brave enough then to face the whole world and all the people. And now you will, too. ‘I sat there in his magic mask, looking through the eyes at David Bowie and it was true, I did feel better. ‘Then I watched as he made another magic mask. He spun it out of thin air, out of nothing at all. He finished it and smiled and then he put it on. And he looked so relieved and pleased. He smiled at me. ‘'Now we’ve both got invisible masks. We can both see through them perfectly well and no one would know we’re even wearing them,’ he said. ‘So, I felt incredibly comfortable. It was the first time I felt safe in my whole life. ‘It was magic. He was a wizard. He was a goblin king, grinning at me. ‘I still keep the mask, of course. This is it, now. Look.’ I kept asking my friend questions, amazed by his story. I loved it and wanted all the details. How many other kids? Did they have puppets from the film there, as well? What was David Bowie wearing? I imagined him in his lilac suit from Live Aid. Or maybe he was dressed as the Goblin King in lacy ruffles and cobwebs and glitter. What was the last thing he said to you, when you had to say goodbye? ‘David Bowie said, ‘I’m always afraid as well. But this is how you can feel brave in the world.’ And then it was over. I’ve never forgotten it. And years later I cried when I heard he had passed.’ My friend was surprised I was delighted by this tale. ‘The normal reaction is: that’s just a stupid story. Fancy believing in an invisible mask.’ But I do. I really believe in it. And it’s the best story I’ve heard all year.”

— Paul Magrs (via yourfluffiestnightmare)

Source: lifeonmagrs.blogspot.de
stories beautiful
robottheodorlasso
leupagus

Okay I've been drinking but I gotta say

I keep seeing takes in the Ted Lasso takes about the various favored pairings — be they Rebecca/Ted, Trent/Ted, Roy/Jamie, Roy/Keeley, Keeley/Roy/Jamie, WHATEVER, with this sentiment of "if this relationship does not turn into a romance, then what was the point of the show?"

And that really frustrates me as someone whose most valued and cherished relationships are not romantic, and who will not likely ever have another romantic relationship in her life. Because there's a point to friendships! There's a point to love in all its forms, in all its complexities. Romance is great, absolutely, but to say that there's no "point" to Rebecca and Ted's trust and respect and affection if it doesn't become a romance, or there's no "point" to Trent becoming a Diamond Dog if he and Ted don't start dating, or there's no "point" to Roy and Jamie and Keeley's complicated dance around each other this past season if it doesn't end up in bed — that just makes me really depressed about the limitations people are putting on how people can love each other.

You can absolutely cheer for your favorite ship and hope that it becomes canon — but to reduce all the rest of the show, which is clearly about a lot of different things, not solely romance, I think does a disservice to the show itself.

i enjoy the pairings however they're not why i watch the show or why the characters do what they do ted lasso